BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism — an umbrella term covering a wide range of consensual power-exchange and sensation-based practices. It's less a single activity than a spectrum: some people build a scene around it, others build a relationship, and most people only ever explore a few corners of it.
The letters, explained
- Bondage & Discipline (B/D): physical restraint — rope, cuffs, restraints — plus structured rules or training within a dynamic.
- Dominance & Submission (D/s): the consensual exchange of control between partners.
- Sadism & Masochism (S/M): giving or receiving sensation, including impact, temperature, or intensity, for mutual enjoyment.
Most people don't practice all three at once. They find the parts that interest them and build from there.
It starts with consent, not equipment
The community has spent decades refining how it talks about safety. Early language framed things as "safe, sane, and consensual" (SSC); today many practitioners prefer RACK — Risk-Aware Consensual Kink — because it's more honest that no physical activity is entirely risk-free. What matters is that everyone understands the real risks of an activity and consents anyway, with eyes open. See our guide to safewords and consent for how that plays out in practice, and our code of conduct for how we enforce it at Folsom Forever.
Common roles you'll hear about
A dominant holds agreed-upon control in a dynamic; a submissive consensually gives it up. A switch enjoys both roles, sometimes with different partners or on different days. "Top" and "bottom" describe who gives or receives physical sensation, which is a separate axis from power exchange — a submissive can top a scene, and a dominant can bottom for impact play.
Where to start
Most newcomers don't start with equipment — they start with people. Reading, attending a munch, and having low-stakes conversations about what interests you will get you further than any toy bag. Our monthly Forever Social is built for exactly this stage, and our program includes workshops that pair technique with safety from day one.