New vocabulary is one of the biggest barriers to walking into a kink space for the first time. Here are the terms you'll hear most often.
- BDSM
- Umbrella term for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism.
- Dominant / Submissive
- The partner who holds agreed-upon control (dominant) and the partner who consensually gives it up (submissive). See our D/s guide.
- Switch
- Someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles, depending on partner or mood.
- Top / Bottom
- Who gives (top) or receives (bottom) physical sensation — a separate axis from D/s power exchange.
- Safeword
- A word or signal, agreed on in advance, that always means exactly what it says regardless of roleplay. See our safewords guide.
- Scene
- A defined period of BDSM activity, with an agreed beginning and end.
- Munch
- A casual, clothed, public social meetup for the kink community — no play involved. See our munch guide.
- Negotiation
- The conversation before a scene covering activities, limits, safewords, and relevant health information.
- Aftercare
- What partners do to support each other, physically and emotionally, once a scene ends. See our aftercare guide.
- Subspace / Domspace
- An altered, often floaty or intensely focused mental state some people enter during a scene.
- Subdrop / Domdrop
- A physical or emotional crash that can follow a scene once adrenaline and endorphins fade.
- RACK / SSC
- Two consent frameworks: "Risk-Aware Consensual Kink" and "Safe, Sane, and Consensual." See our consent guide.
- Impact play
- Consensual striking of the body for sensation — hands, paddles, floggers, canes. See our impact play guide.
- Shibari / Rope bondage
- Rope-based restraint, practiced both for sensation and for its aesthetic quality. See our rope guide.
- Dungeon monitor (DM)
- A trained volunteer who supervises a play space, watches for consent violations, and can intervene or stop a scene.
- Vanilla
- Sex or relationships without BDSM elements; also used for people outside the kink community.